Homemade Junior Mints, or, How Michael Pollan came between me and my microwave

A little background:
As many of my formative years were spent in a mecca of homemaking and domesticity, I always assumed certain skills were mine by right, heredity or at least osmosis. Turns out, not so much.

My first semester of college, I tried.  I cooked a few times a week, and was continually baffled by chewy pasta and scorched pans.  Eventually I realized that the meals I was trying to make could be easily found in cans or in frozen packages.  I still ate fresh fruits and vegetables, but as far as cooking or baking was concerned - all I needed was the microwave. I never needed to clean the oven, and I had plenty of food variety to choose from. 

Fast forward to last year: Along came a very innocuous book called Food Rules by Michael Pollan.  It was a gateway book.  Suddenly I was watching documentaries about where my food came from and the crazy processes it went through before it showed up on my plate.  I couldn't bring myself to eat meat for a month, and I began to suspect that Satan was either a majority stock holder, or the actual CEO of ConAgra Foods, Inc. and that High Fructose Corn Syrup was his daily nectar.

Soooo.... I started changing some things.  I tried to live more by Pollan's rules "Eat food, not too much, mostly plants".  Don't get me wrong, I am by no means a 100%-er (Here's looking at you Whitney N., You are a superstar!).  I probably eat about 70% unprocessed, vegetarian meals.

But when I started trying to eat foods that had just come from my food co-op or the farmers market, I hit a familiar problem.  I don't cook.  I don't bake.  Bad things happen when I put things in the real-life, grown-up oven.

Fast forward to present:  I own a crockpot, breadmaker, a food processor, and use them on a regular basis!  Bad things still happen frequently.  Food is still sometimes not good when I mix it with other food and then apply heat.  But, I'm growing a database of recipes that I can cook decently, and I occasionally invite others to try (eek!)

END OF BACKGROUND STORY.  BEGINNING OF ACTUAL BLOGPOST.

So this week, I decided to make Junior Mints. 'Cause I love them, 'nuff said.  Google produced several recipes.  I sorted through them and found the shortest one (4 ingredients!). I found it at Cafe Zupa's Blog

And I made them.  Here is a list of things I learned:

1.  Spatula - This is an amazing tool.  I used to utilize a spatula only when I needed to flip things over that were hot and couldn't find my real flippy thing.  So you can see my one spatula is now a little melted.  But I totally get it now!  I used it for scraping the bowl to get every bit of cream cheese off today, and for a pumpkin recipe I made last week.  Brilliant.  Who invented that thing?  They should win something.

2. Continues to amaze me how 3 oz of cream cheese can incorporate 3+ cups of powdered sugar. How does that even work? Pretty sure it has to do with the Law of multiple proportions.  Or magic.

3. Powdered sugar -  Does it contain magnetic dust?  Because my counter, clothes and stove top are covered in powered sugar - garrr!!!

4. I make a pretty mean homemade Junior Mint. They only thing I mourn is that kind of juicy liquid that is inside with the mint.  Mine were just a little bit drier.  Wonder if that is one of those ingredients the real ones have, but mine don't? Corn Syrup, Food Starch Modified, Invertase (Enzyme(s)), Soya Albumin, Gelatin?  I'll console myself with the sense of virtue I get that mine only had 4 ingredients, all of which could be found in my cupboard....

5. Recipe says yield 96. Nope - try 12.  Perhaps my sense of candy proportions is somewhat skewed?  Can't imagine why :)
 

In sum: Today I like Homemade Junior Mints!

Canadian Bacon and the Swine Flu

~A Canadian is sort of like an American, but without the gun.~ 

Anonymous

Poor Canada.  Oft perceived as something of a mix between the UK's neglected stepchild and the US's country bumpkin cousin, it stands in as the butt of many a joke.  Just throwing in Canada can make something just a little bit funnier - like this little H1N1 Public Health Announcement:  http://www.veoh.com/browse/videos/category/comedy/watch/v19326847yFRxaqmx#

Butt Canada, not today (ha, ha, did you see what I did there?)!  Today Canada gets its very own list. 5 things that Canada gave us that are pretty great:

1. The Blackberry --  True story. Founded in 1984, Research in Motion has its headquarters in Waterloo, Ontario, Canada.  They are led by Co-CEO Jim Balsillie and President and Co-CEO Mike Lazaridis (Both Candian!)                                                                           

2. Canadian Bacon -- hmmm.  not quite ham, not quite pepperoni.  Somewhere in the middle, but rather tasty tasty on the pizza if you are of the meat-eating persuasion!

3. Who is Alex Trebek? -- Host of Jeoparady, born in Sudbury, Ontario, Canada.  He graduated the University of Ottawa with a degree in Philosophy, and began his media career as a newscaster for the CBC.  Without dear Canada, no one would have ever heard of Ken Jennings or seen Celebrity Jeoporady.

 

4. Strange Brew -- If you haven't seen this classic bit of 80's Candian Pop Culture - not gonna lie, it might be too late.  But in its era, the shenanigans of Rick Moranis and Dave Thomas as Bob and Doug McKenzie were the pinnacle of Canada-to-US entertainment.  For any highbrow sneerers - it is a loose adaptation of Hamlet with the McKensie Brothers filling in as Rosencrantz and Guildenstern.  If hockey and intrigue at the Elsinore Brewery is your mug of tea- you can thank Canada. And if not - take off hoser, eh?

5. The Snowblower -- Way back in 1925, Montreal based inventor Arthur Sicard made his first "Snow Remover Snowblower."  He was tired of shoveling - not too surprising in a city with an average annual snowfall just shy of 7 feet.  Those who are lucky enough to own such a wonder (not me) can thank Art and Canada.

Note --  A couple of websites try to attribue the modern game of Baseball to Canada.  Nice try, but don't get greedy Neighbor.  The steroid pumpin, chaw-spittin national pastime is all ours!

So Dear Reader, anything else we can graciously thank our neighbor to the North for?

Super Heroes and Secret Identities

~"A hero is no braver than an ordinary man, but he is braver five minutes longer"~

Ralph Waldo Emerson

Last night was spent having stimulating conversation with friends and watching Burn Notice (all in favor of Michael Weston say aye!) During the course of the evening, the subject of superheroes came up.

For those of you lucky enough to enjoy the REAL Superman (Christopher Reeve, Google him Gen Y), you might remember how cool those  movies were at the time (you know, before special effects were invented.)  Handsome hero with one deadly weakness? Check.  Villainous criminals who don't stand a chance?  Check.  Patriotic cape? Check. But what really made me wonder was that no one could ever spot the hero when he was dressed as Clark Kent.  Seriously folks!  Slightly myopic or not - it is clearly the SAME PERSON.  Not to mention he was always near the scene of the crime, but mysteriously absent when Superman was present.

Example:

Lois: Where were you Clark?  Just when you disappeared, Superman came and tied the bad guys up in their own twisted web of deceit and rescued me from certain death!
Clark:  Oh darn.  I ran out of batteries and had to go get some more.
Lois: Clark, why is it you always seem to disappear whenever Superman comes around?
She looks at him, mere minutes after soufully gazing at Superman, but never suspects the truth.
Lois:  Oh well, maybe next time.

Despite the obvious flaws in the plan, I know I'm not alone in thinking that world would be way cooler with superheroes around.  Something about us as humans wants to believe that there is someone out there that can surpass mortal limitations and bend scientific laws without breaking a sweat - all in the name of justice. Did you ever wonder? If we were metropolis, just WHO would be the superheroes?  Those masked avengers with a secret identity keeping them close enough to prevent danger without attracting suspicion?  IMHO the following are the best candidates:

1. Anderson Cooper aka Superman He's got my vote.  He travels the world dodging bullets and brings justice under the guise of "journalist."  He doesn't wear glasses, but his signature shock of silver hair would be the perfect foil if he needed a disguise.  No one would ever suspect!  Well.  They might if he kept getting caught on camera doing stuff like dodging mortar to rescue children like he did this week in Haiti Wow. He might not even need a cape to fly.       http://cnn.com/video/?/video/world/2010/01/18/cooper.boy.injured.cnn 

2. Bill Gates aka Batman
What did Batman really have that gave him the edge?  Other than a winged mammal fetish and anger issues?  Money.  A whole lot of money.  Bill could invent fancy software for gadgets and then turn them into crime fighting tools. The great thing about Batman is that he is a mere mortal and is thus prone to human mistakes (Windows Vista, anyone?)   However, I think its clear he is more of an, ahem, "classic" Batman.

3. Tina Fey aka

Wonder Woman

Actress, comedienne, writer, producer and mother. The definition of Wonder Woman.  Plus she publicly loves her parents, is very patriotic, and I think she ran for Vice President once.  She also has a scar from a knife attack on the left side of her chin and cheek.  Clearly she is tough.  Oh yeah.  She wears glasses! So did Wonder Woman's alter ego Diana Prince! That pretty much clinches the deal.

4. Al Gore aka Captain Planet

Captain Planet is summoned whenever the five Planeteers combine the forces of their elemental rings.  Captain Planet is weakened when in contact with pollutants, radiation, smog, etc. Hmmm, could there be an ulterior motive behind his exposure of that inconvenient truth? 

5. Michael Phelps aka Aquaman
Aquaman possessed various superhuman abilities, including the powers of surviving underwater, communication with sea life, and tremendous swimming prowess. Not much of a stretch for good ol' Michael P. Aquaman's specific weakness was that he had to come into contact with water at least once per hour, or he would die. Hmmm, certain photos are being seen in a new light ... it's a waterpipe of life!

There it is kids, the most likely alter egos for the superheroes living among us.  Have I missed any?

Sledding and other dodgy childhood pastimes

~“As soon as there is life, there is danger” ~
Ralph Waldo Emerson


Saturday a group of us spent a lovely evening sledding at Sugarhouse Park. We went at 9:00 at night, so the nearly full moon glistened on the new fallen ... ice. That's right. Ice. It had been a sunny day so the snow melted and then refroze. This meant we rocketed down the hill at breakneck speed and thumped over frozen bumps. Ouch. The rush was incredible, but after two runs I felt I had tempted the fates enough without breaking a limb. Was sledding always this dangerous? Is this really an afternoon fun activity? In that vein I introduce my first list. 7 products that may not actually be such a good idea for kids ...

Demographic Error OR Parent Fail!

1. GR8 TaT2 Maker by Spin Master Toys -- Get Ready to get inked! Features a realistic vibrating tattoo pen. Includes, safe, non toxic markers for a realistic tattoo, and 30 sticker tattoo stencils for realistic tattoos. Manufacturer recommended age: 6 years and up.

Good news -- when your 6-year old is playing tatoo parlor with his friends, the markers are completely safe and non toxic. I wonder if the same is true for their future prison tats?

2. The Gashlycrumb Tinies – A is for is for Amy who fell down the stairs. B is for Basil assaulted by bears …” And so begins this alphabet book that details the demise of 26 children in various creative ways. My personal favorite? “X is for Xerxes devoured by mice.” Although this is way cooler than eXtinct dinosaurs cop-out animal alphabet card I had as a kid…

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0FIgiDwVk3A

3. Clue – Now, I love this game, not to mention the movie (Mrs. Peacock - in the library with the candlestick!) But is 3rd grade really the proper time for children to start role-playing bashing in skulls with a lead pipe or throttling others with a rope .…

4. Playmobil HazMat Team – Oh, no! Hazardous waste has managed to seep out of a barrel and onto the sidewalk! No need to worry, the Hazmat Crew has promptly arrived. This sidewalk is sure to be free of this hazardous substance in no time! Ages 4 & Up

"Mommy, what's hazardous waste?" Hmmm.




5. SixFinger -- The most amazing toy ever! With this amazing toy you can shoot cap bombs, secret bullets, message missiles, fragmentation bomb send an SOS, or write with the built-in ballpoint pen!

I actually don't even know what to say. Except, whatever you do, DON'T bring this toy on a plane. Its just a bad toy idea. Maybe the most amazingly bad toy idea ever.






6. Doctor Drill 'n Fill -- Mold! Drill! Fill! Includes electric drill.
Check those choppers - explore the joy of dental hygiene
with this hilarious playset! "Grow" tongue and mold teeth,
then use the electric drill and tools to fix cavities
and pull bad teeth.

See? Cavities and powerdrills are fun! For parents who really want their kid to be the next Orin Scrivello.



7. Lightning Reaction Extreme -- Who has the fastest reflexes? Lightning Reaction Extreme is two games in one. It combines the old favorite, where only the slowest gets shocked; plus the new "Extreme" version, where only the fastest finger is safe and all other players get shocked. It's winner takes all - are you up for the challenge? Requires three "AAA batteries," included.

Hope they follow this up with a “super fun lethal injection” kit … At least your kid can find out about his heart condition without having to go through wrestling tryouts.




So, my faithful blogees, what have I missed? What other disturbing toys have you encountered?